A glossy facade doesn’t stand up to scrutiny
Some of you may know I’m overseas at the moment, far from the sunny shores of Queensland. When we’re way we tend to prefer to base ourselves in a city, rent an apartment and take day trips from there. Usually that works just fine but sometimes it’s not as good as it might have seemed. Of course, we book accommodation before we leave and we base our decision on the internet, checking the pictures – and the reviews.
It doesn’t always work out as we’d like, though. What you see isn’t always what you get. A pretty apartment which seems to have everything may be lacking. In this case, it lacked fundamentals – for example the bedroom had no drawers to put your clothes in and the wardrobe had only four coat hangers for the two of us; towel rails, hooks or shelves were absent from the bathroom and there was no lid to the rubbish bin. Just looking at the folder left for guests betrayed the lack of care and attention to detail. The pages had been printed on an inkjet printer and the print was smudged and difficult to read. There was no reference to how to connect to the internet. The ‘it’ll do’ attitude sprang off the pages and the apartment itself came over as a display unit, intended to lure purchasers, not to be lived in.
It’s a lesson for writers, too. Readers want something to get their teeth into, a world that seems real, not a painted, two-dimensional surface. As a reader, I appreciate detail, little bits and pieces that assure me the world I’m reading about isn’t a bland facade, that it’s a real place where people can actually live. For my own books I try to ensure the presentation is as good as I can make it – no typos, accurate grammar, good layout.
It’s a lesson in life. Present what you’d expect to receive.
Murder your darlings? Maybe…
Last night for some reason known only to my brain I woke up thinking about self-editing and how one goes about this rather onerous chore. Some parts are relatively simple and here I mean looking for over-use of adjectives and adverbs, typos, lousy sentence construction and the like. The hard part is deciding what is part of your story and what is not.
We’re often told that if it doesn’t advance the story, cut it out. Which is fine and makes sense. Of course it does. But what does that really mean? I started to consider my Iron Admiral books. I’ve written a post before about how I nearly killed the story through over-editing (click here to read it). After that, I split the very long novel into two shorter ones and set about reconstructing. In that process I had to decide what was in and what was not, given I’d thrown out whole chapters as well as smaller scenes. And I have found that some of the scenes I judged initially to be extraneous to requirements and added back with some misgivings, were stand-outs in revealing character and adding depth to the story.
The best example was that Admiral Saahren sent Allysha, the love of his life, flowers. He sent them anonymously, but he sent her love lilies, flowers which in the Confederacy Fleet had a particular significance. Originally, I’d asked myself that question – if I leave this bit out, will the story still stand? Will anybody notice? Let’s face it, the answer was ‘yes’. By rights, the flowers didn’t add to the plot and certainly the historical background to the origin of the love lilies story was extraneous. Yet more than one person loved this side of Saahren’s character. You could say the same thing about his visit to a market with Allysha, where she admires a bolt of cloth. Or for the flashback where Saahren relives his sister’s death. Or for the discussion between Allysha and a senior officer on Saahren’s flagship, who reveals information about the Fleet’s officer corps.
So take care when you ‘murder your darlings’. Sometimes it has to be done, but there is more to a novel than a plot. Characters must be believable, the setting in which they operate must be three-dimensional. These days, if I read some of my own work and find myself wondering why this chapter is there, I’ll consider a cut but I think carefully about eliminating a scene which adds depth or character. I always find myself coming back to The Lord of the Rings and Frodo’s sojourn with Tom Bombadil. Sure, the story stood without it but I loved that section, regardless.
What about you? Have you had second thoughts about eliminating scenes? Or some advice on what to cut?
The pass at Kirkstone
To say the weather was we
t when we headed into the Lakes District was an understatement.These pictures were taken through the windows of the moving vehicle – nowhere to stop, besides, it was raining.
The rain wasn’t torrential but it was relentless, tumbling from clouds which felt like they were at little more than ceiling height and inevitably, the distance closed as we drove higher. We had to negotiate the Kirkstone pass, 1500 feet and dangerous in bad weather.
It’s beautiful wild country up there in the hills, glacier-gouged, rock-strewn slopes. Walls built of the stuff of the hills line the road, separate the hillsides into paddocks. Stoic sheep graze the grass. It’s all right for them; they belong here. The narrow road was barely wide enough for two cars and here and there a deep valley opened up just on the other side of that stone wall.
It was a hairy drive, but rugged and beautiful. I have no doubt that the scene and the feeling will appear in a book somewhere. No experience is ever wasted in a writer’s life. Wouldn’t you agree?
Seven things you might want to know about Scotland
Here I am on the other side of the world, an Australian ‘over there’. What have I discovered? Well…
1. The weather is cold
It may be late spring in Scotland, but there is still snow and we had sleet on the windscreen. Thank goodness I brought a jacket.
2. The roads are narrow
Very, very narrow.
3. You can park any which-way
Put you car on the kerb, facing whichever way you want. This is on the road, ‘ye ken, not in the carparks. And when you have an already narrow road, you might have to wait behind a parked car while the on-coming traffic goes past. And that includes double-decker buses with four people in them. (They seemed to run an awful lot of Very Large Buses through Very Small Villages and none of them had many passengers.)
4. The houses all look the same
In Oz houses are individual. Here, you get whole streets of identical facades with maybe a little bit of different paint sometimes. And they’re semi-detached, even when they’re built in a paddock.
5. The birds are boring
The most common bird here is the large seagull with the haunting cry, followed closely by crows. Oh, and a few starlings and pigeons.
6. The people are lovely
I love the Scots. They’re great, friendly, helpful people. Och aye!
7. It’s green
So very, very green apart from the iridescent yellow of the rape crops. And that’s so very different to the ancient, eroded landscape of Australia.
Summary: It’s great.
It’s time I wrote a sequel to ‘Morgan’s Choice’
I’m thinking it’s time I wrote a sequel to ‘Morgan’s Choice’. I’ve had that idea in mind from the very beginning and I’ve written a few scenes. I’ve stashed them somewhere, I’ll find them… Basically, Morgan’s going home. To get further than that, I need to know her current mindset and what better way to find that out, than by asking her?
Well, Morgan, you’ve been here in Manesai space for about a year. How does it feel?
Yeah, not bad. I’m used to it now. In a way, I feel much more useful here than I was back home. I’ve spent some time helping the Manesai techs improve their work and it’s nice to know I’m making a difference.
That’s work. How about your admiral?
(She rolls her eyes.) He’s not MY admiral.
Still in love?
(She rubs her nose, not comfortable) Yeah. But look, I’m not under any illusions, here. He’s rich, powerful, good looking. Trust me, the line starts on the right and snakes out the door down the corridor. Half the admirals in the Fleet are jostling for position, trying to get him to marry their daughter. I mean, what’s this love thing, anyway?
So he doesn’t love you?
I didn’t say that. He’s resisted the temptations, at least when I’m around, and he’s made it very clear he doesn’t consider himself available for the meat market. (She runs a hand through her hair) But let’s face it, I’m a weird-looking alien with a computer in my head. One of these days… (she frowns and looks away)
There’s talk about you going home. Is that serious?
Sure. I’ve started work on a new shift drive. (She becomes animated, her silver eyes sparkle) You’ll remember I ended up here because something happened to Curlew’s experimental shift drive? Well, essentially, the technology worked. I’ve mapped out the data I got from Artemis, tracking back its three thousand year voyage. Even though Artemis stopped many times along the way, we know humans and the Manesai are in the same galaxy but a long way apart. Curlew reached here in one huge jump that took a few days. I’m building a new version of the drive. First a virtual model so I can run tests. If that works, I’ll build a real model and see what happens when we send it through shift space. If that all succeeds we just follow Artemis’s route back to the Union.
And you’ll give all this information to the Manesai? Doesn’t that worry you?
Um… I’ve thought about it a lot. I think it’s the right thing to do. They deserve to know where they came from, learn their history. I doubt if they’re any real threat to humans. We’re still talking huge distances, there are plenty of worlds out here for the Manesai to expand so I can’t imagine any territorial ambitions. In fact, Artemis did some terra forming or something on her journey. I’d like to see what she did and if it worked.
Hmmm. Who will go with you?
Ravindra’s already told me he’s coming. (She grins) End of argument. He told the High Command he’d take leave, and he wants to bring his intel officer, Prasad. There’ll be a historian or archaeologist and a small team of specialists.
What will you do when you get there?
(She shrugs) Who knows? That’s a decision I’ll leave till later. (She stands) Thanks for the chat. Gotta go build a shift drive.
I grin. She hasn’t changed a bit. All those smarts, all that beauty and she still has that inferiority complex wrapped up in an invisible suit of armour. Oh, one more thing she hasn’t admitted – Ravindra has asked her to marry him but she’s refused. How about that?
Want to know more about ‘Morgan’s Choice’? Here’s a link to Amazon.
The case of the curious cockatoo
Cockatoos are very smart birds – very smart animals. One of my favourites is the sulphur-crested cockatoo, a big white bird with a big loud squawk and a big powerful beak that thinks nothing of chewing through an unopened pine cone. They’re great fliers, acrobatic show-offs and I’m sure they have a sense of humour, as well as an intelligent, curious streak.
Back when we lived in Victoria our property was beside a state forest where an enormous colony of sulphur cresteds lived. They would do an early morning warm-up wheeling overhead in noisy flocks before they started off for the day’s foraging and they’d do the same in the evening, gossiping together and enjoying the last of the sunlight before settling down for the night. They are the Australian bush’s pruners. They don’t seem to be able to sit on a branch without snipping a piece off and they’ll happily chew on any sort of wooden structure – verandas, window sills, fences.
They also live to a ripe old age. We’re talking fifty or more years here, so they’re a pet to hand on to your children. This is one of the reasons I HATE to see them in cages.
There are sulphur cresteds here in Queensland, too and I’m often outside with the camera, trying to get that wonderful photo of one flying by. If they see me, they’ll 
watch me as they go past, turning their heads to look at the camera – just like that one in the picture up there. One of my neighbours has a palm tree putting up a new frond. They grow like a spike before they unfurl and this has become a favourite perch for a lot of the parrots. Notice how they’ve bent the top of the spike to form a seat. Because the tree is a fair way away, it’s not the best picture in the world. Again, see the bird is looking directly at me.
A few moments after I’d gone inside I heard a very loud squawk, then another one. I grabbed the camera, hoping a bird was flying by and I could get that rare action shot. But no. We have palm trees, too. A cockatoo had perched on the leading spike not ten meters from my back door. He had no reason, just curiosity and I will swear to my dying day that he called me out. Once he saw me, the squawking stopped. He swayed up there in the breeze for a few moments, then flew away to join his mates.
The only thing that really matters is the story
Thrawn
I’m reading a book at the moment; in fact this is the third time I’ve read this book. So what’s special about that? Well, for a start, it’s fan fiction, built on the Star Wars universe. In a way, you might say it’s an unauthorised use of the franchise, something to which George Lucas et al turn a very wise blind eye. I only mention that it’s fan fiction because this means the author can gain no financial benefit from the book. I haven’t bought it, it was free. For that reason fan fiction is exempted from some of the standards I would expect from a novel I had to pay for, or even from a novel offered for free by a prospective best-selling author.
This article isn’t a review. I’m trying to describe why I’m reading this book for the third time because, let me assure you, technically it leaves much to be desired. Even the first time I read it, before I was myself published, my fingers itched for the red pen. I’m something of a grammar Nazi and let me tell you, the grammar is awful. For instance, dialogue is incorrectly structured eg. “‘This should not be happening.” He said.’ ‘Capitol’ is used where ‘capital’ is intended, ‘lightening’ for ‘lightning’, just two example of poor spelling. The MS is littered with clumsy sentences, repeated words and overuse of tags. The MS has never been copy edited.
And yet I’m reading it for the third time.
Why? Because I love the story the author has woven out of well-known Star Wars threads interspersed with entirely new characters. The novel is written in first person past tense and to some extent, a reader can excuse the clumsy writing because it is a person speaking. That person is a young woman (Merlyn) who is recruited as personal assistant to Darth Vader. She has a somewhat interesting history herself and comes from Tatooine, as does the Dark Lord. This somewhat unlikely premise nevertheless provides an opportunity to look at the events in the Star Wars saga from a completely different point of view. For instance, there is a scene where Merlyn watches Princess Leia being brought aboard an Imperial ISD and the subsequent destruction of her ship. Add to this Grand Admiral Thrawn while he was still Captain Thrawn and you have a love story. Sure, there are times where you don’t want to think too hard, just accept the Universe for what it is – but that’s true for any Star Wars story. The illustration, by the way, is from Timothy Zahn’s novel, Outbound Flight, and depicts a young Thrawn. I found it here, where you’ll find out more about the Thrawn character.
This novel adds depth and detail and humanity to Star Wars going beyond Timothy Zahn’s Thrawn series. The author takes you to the palace balls, the retreat on Naboo, Padme Amadala’s last resting place and then adds all sorts of details to Grand Admiral Thrawn, changing him from just a brilliant military genius into a complex, many-layered, many-talented individual. While I can criticise the writing technically, underneath all that the descriptions are exquisite, engaging all senses. Here’s a small example.
All around the lakes the hills and mountains rose majestically, covered in lush green vegetation. Everything here seemed alive and shimmering. Down by the water’s edge, long branched sleepy trees, covered in pretty pale pink flowers decorated the shore line, the scent of the blooms wafted across the water, sweet, like honey. Birds with long wing spans flew high above the lake on thermals in large lazy circles. I was awed by their grace.
Most of all, the author is in Merlyn’s head. We feel what she feels, shudder at her first meeting with the Emperor, wonder at this strange connection she has with Vader, get exasperated as she wards off Thrawn despite her attraction to him. And all through, the extended Star Wars universe stories are woven into the fabric.
So, all you aspiring writers, by all means bone up on the rules of writing. Don’t overuse ‘that’ or ‘there was’ or adjectives, think about your adverbs, put your commas in the right place, avoid tags if you can (etc etc). But if you can grab me with your story and hold me so tightly I’ll come back for a third bout, then you’ve done good. We can sort out the small stuff at the other end.
Don’t you love a series?
I admit, I love series of books. If I find an author I enjoy, a story I can relate to, as soon as I’ve finished one, I’m hankering for another book in the same setting.
Before I go any further, let’s define what I mean by ‘series’; a set of books set in the same environment, often using the same characters. The world-building has been done, it’s familiar. Sometimes main characters in one book might be bit-players in another but the reader has (probably) met them before and knows who they are. Here, I’m talking about books written by the same author. A good example is Anne McCaffrey’s Pern series which started with the dragonriders and expanded to harpers and then others as the demand grew.
Crime books starring particular detectives are a stand-out example of a series. Agatha Christie’s Poirot and Miss Marple, Sherlock Holmes, Adam Dalgleish, Inspector Banks etc etc etc. Grab me with one and you’ve sold me the lot.
I should point out, though, that liking a series by an author does not immediately imply I’ll like everything an 
author writes. Of course, there are exceptions. I’d read a shopping list if Terry Pratchett wrote it. But I have been disappointed. Ms McCaffrey’s ‘Talent’ books (Pegasus et al) left me cold and although I loved Elizabeth Moon’s Serrano and Vatta series, her award-winning novel about autism (Speed of Dark) was a dnf. This is not necessarily a reflection on the ability of the writers. At the end of the day, the contract made between the author and the reader inevitably includes the subject matter. I only bought Speed of Dark because Moon wrote it – but perhaps I should have looked a little more closely before I spent my money.
Which brings me to another type of series which is really a franchise. One of the most famous of this type is Star Wars. Since it expanded beyond the original three movies the Star Wars franchise has gone super nova. There must be at least one hundred Star Wars novels out – I don’t know, I haven’t counted. Here, the setting in particular, is as comfortable as an old pair of slippers. The characters are bit-players in a larger scene. Only the authors are different, which means, of course, the reading experience differs. I’ve read some very good Star Wars novels and some that were (imo) total rubbish. Anne McCaffrey handed on her Pern series to her son, Todd, also a writer. For me, the transition was not a great success.
And then there’s that last type of series/franchise that frankly grates on me. A lot of the Big Names such as James Patterson and Dale Brown have developed franchises. Their names are on the books in Great Big Letters. And underneath, you’ll find the by-line “with Fred Nerk”. Which means Fred Nerk wrote it. To me, that’s almost false pretences. And I avoid those books.
How do series work for you?
Start of a new day
Do you ever get that ‘now what’ feeling? Where something is finished and you’re left empty, casing around for something else to do? It’s a bit how I feel at the moment, one project set free and now awaiting its fate, another teetering on the brink. I’ll start when I’m ready, when I feel less drained.
Until then I can console myself with the camera. Dawn is such a wondrous time, when the darkness gives way to the light and the waters blaze with brightness. I’m not often there to see it, but I was this time.
Watch where you’re putting your claws
Sometimes photo opportunities just… happen. I was working on a synopsis when I heard the familiar chirps of a couple of rainbow lorikeets. A lot of them live around us, we see them frequently but they hadn’t come in close to the house for a few days. So I picked up the camera and went outside.
These two must have popped in for a secret tryst. The thing that struck me was the size difference. Unlike many bird species, there’s no real way of telling by sight which is a girl and which a boy – although behaviour offers a clue. But this pair seemed to be an exceptionally large male and a very petite female.
I also thing the male was quite young and inexperienced. He has that youthful glitter in his eye. She let him mount but I think he must have stuck a claw in a sensitive spot.
From then on, she wasn’t talking to him, despite his attempts to impress.
